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Nicole

Wow this is my mother! I had no idea there was a name for her systematic soul killing. In group therapy my sister called her a "soul killer". I'm glad some other people on this planet can relate to having the person who is susposted to love you most bask in your destruction!

paul

Wow. This was really tough to read. It is so relevant to my experience. I even have my own radio story: I wanted a portable radio for Christmas and in the days leading up to it I started crying at the dinner table because I didn't think I'd get it. I was 14 then. So sad.

Anni

This is my mother to a tee. For my birthdays, I was made to wait all day long (till dinner) for any acknowledgement that it was my birthday, let alone any presents...and if I got upset, I was a selfish ungrateful demanding little bitch.

U.

I have present stories too. I always got huge mountains of presents that I didn't want (making me look like a spoiled child in the eyes of the family), but not the one book that I wanted. Until today she tries to manipulate me by giving presents- I have paid a high price for every present I took from her. But also for refusing them. Recently, I gave back a cake (I had told her that she should stop giving me presents). She unleashed hell on me by telling relatives what I mean person I am. It's truely ridiculous if it weren't so frightening.

lisa

My mother was a borderline. She vacillated between all 4 roles, but mostly Queen/Witch. I used to say, "She sucked the life out of me." I'm still struggling with the aftermath of a childhood with a borderline mother. She once took the Christmas tree, lights and ornaments and stuffed it into the apartment's incinerator to make a point and to hurt me. The emotional pain she inflicted was quite a lot for a child to bare.

Colleen Du Bois

Oh My goodness ! Yes this is my mother too. How I survived to be a relatively well adapted, happy successful woman I do not quite understand, but I can only applaud myself for doing so.

bea

I worked out about a year ago that my mother has bpd and I can definatley categorise her as a witch with some hermit tendancies. Oh my god so many stories flooding through my mind. I relate to the client whose mother told a friend her children were conceived through rape. My mother always had difficulty regarding me as an adult exept when she was 'confiding' in me. She and my father divorced when I was five and she was always trying to make me hate my father, it was like I was her best girlfriend and she was unloading all the secret abuse of her failed marriage onto me. If I was annoyed at my dad she would try to make me dislike him more. Once I needed a lift to the airport and my dad was spending the weekend with friends so he couldn't help me. Annoyed I called my mum and asked her instead, she agreed but spent the whole journey telling me she always had a feeling my father was a bad person, even when they were married. She said he never really loved her, she suspected he was a pedarist because he lost interest in her sexually by the time she was 22 and she only had me as a last ditch attempt to keep him interested in her.
The present thing was also an experience I had in my childhood, my mother would buy me very expensive, non returnable gifts without discussing it with me beforehand. Her presents usually had nothing to do with what I had originally asked her for and because her gifts were so expensive, even if I didn't enjoy them, they were there now so I was expected to use them on a regular basis "why aren't you wearing those heels I bought you for christmas? They cost me more than a washing machine!" Or she would spontaniously pull me out of school for holidays that she'd spent all her savings on and spend the whole holiday making me feel guilty for being there because she had enough money worries without having to pay for me to go on holiday with her.
Its hard to explain to non bpd people how presents can be just as potent as tools of abuse as neglect.

Cory

Dear LORD this is my Mom.

I'm beginning to think the present thing is a theme.

When I was a kid I actually made a point of saying how much I hate waterbeds. One Christmas all I wanted was a $15 dollar book. What did I get? The thousand dollar waterbed, and heaps of other expensive stuff I had absolutely zero interest in, but NOT the $15 dollar book. When I was obviously disappointed in the waterbed, and wasn't even comfortable on it when going to bed, of course I was an "ungrateful little bastard."

My world changed when my kids were born and I started to see the crap I suffered extended to my kids, and I think she saw/continues to see them as an extension of me, and that's when I changed everything. I refused to let this person treat/talk to, etc. them the way I was treated. My mom has refused to talk to my daughter for over two years and hasn't seen her for almost six years. Sadly, she's turning 16 this month, all for some slight my Mom perceived in a note she got from my daughter when she was 10 and then another at 13.

These are sick people, they CAN'T be fixed, and the best thing I ever did for my own sanity was leaving Ohio and moving to Nebraska. It did wonders.

Anonymous

My wife is definately a Queen, but can definately show signs of all four, witch being the second most common. Sadistic is the best word to describe it. Who would act so cruel to someone they love? She would vaccilate between loving and cruel so quickly that I knew something was wrong. No "normal" human being would act so mean to someone who cares about them. I find the sadistic nature comes out when anger has been building up for a while. Otherwise fighting it is just a distancing trick they use to avoid intimacy and closeness because it is that which they fear.

Lori

I am an adult and i am so frightened by my bpd mother to this day. my sister and brother would go years with no contact with her in order to save themselves from her torment while i would suffer DAILY thinking it was "the right thing to do." Now my brother has died and i have become the target of my mothers pain in a horrible way, worse than before, and i actually fear she wants more than to destroy my life. I swear i think she wants to take it. She is so frightening and i have heard that the "witch" borderline mother will kill her own children...she HAS come close to killing at least two people that i know and has terribly physically harmed one of her own granddaughters! (she was physically abusive to my siblings but only emotionally towards me because i was a sick child.) Where do you turn when you think your mother is planning to take your life? how do i live with this?

Peter

I always knew something was wrong. From such a young age I fought my mother tooth and nail. She blamed me for everything. I was insane out of control in a rage because something told me to fight...I didn't know what. She took me to every psychiatrist possible: always hitting me locking me in my room. I was not allowed to do anything. If I even wanted to go outside in the yard I got in trouble. And yet she forced me to play piano, paint, draw, dance, sing, act, play instruments. My school work was always done and checked by her it had to be perfect. Yet she was hitting me, drinking, screaming, passing out, vomiting, always walking around naked. She and my father never spoke except when she wanted her drinks. She screamed every morning as she sat naked on the toilet with the door open, that she was dying. And at 49 she did just that. I thought I was free. But I remember sitting on my bed at the age of 12 when she passed, thinking I was free. And this voice told me it would have been either her or me. And so I don't know. There is no easy answer. My entire being is still reeling from all this. I have no idea which way is up. All I know is that I feel angry and resentful at the analyst who back in the late 1970's didn't tell her or any of us that mother was bpd or shizo. I only found out about her condition ten years after the fact by tracking him down. He looked me square in the face when asked why he hadn't said anything and just asked me 'well what good would it have done?' Crushing...Blessings everyone. We should somehow try to find a way to band together. Don't know how.

Sharon Bailey

I was in my 40's when I finally realized I couldn't take the hurt anymore. Tricks, lies, accusations, insults, on and on. Still on some level I feel ashamed and guilty for not having contact with my crazy mother. It never leaves you, we will never be like other people. It's like a part of us has been too damaged to ever work right. I still fall into relationships that the role I am expected to play is the support person to the weak, with strange accusations and attempts at manipulation etc. Most relationships just are too much of a strain, too much energy trying to maintain boundries, so I am alone and happy.

Mariposa

I too have a witch borderline mother. I'm 41 now, and altough I'm scared as hell, sometimes to the point of dissociation, for me, the pain has to stop. I am in the process of cutting all contacts with her. My childhood was an absolute nightmare. She was and still is crazy, and I do not want her part of my life anymore. WE, LIKE ANYBODY ELSE, ARE ALLOWED TO HAVE A PEACEFULL LIFE.

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No "normal" human being would act so mean to someone who cares about them. I find the sadistic nature comes out when anger has been building up for a while. Otherwise fighting it is just a distancing trick they use to avoid intimacy and closeness because it is that which they fear.

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emily

This is exactly as my mother is. She had put myself and my family through so much abuse I feel forever damaged and abnormal. My father even told me he was proud of me for survivng as I had been on the streets at 14. I would have died had I not been rescued by my friend's family (they unofficially adopted me as even at home with my dad wasnt safe when she was there). When I tried to kill myself at 15 she was there to bully and degrade me for how stupid I was and brought me to the hospital my dad worked at on purpose to see "how proud" he would be of me. She did it to hurt us both in a time when I needed help the most. Even now she plots against us, ruining Christmas this year by chasing everyone away with her wild accusations and tortuous abuse. She revels in making us feel miserable saying how ungrateful and selfish we are, she even took all the presents to "get her money back" because thats all thats ever been important to her. Now After 22 years Im setting up a legal team for my dad composed of doctors, psychiatrists, witnesses and others to testify against her in court for everything she has done to us. It is my personal mission to see she is pennyless and alone just like she made us feel, and just like how her father ended up- dying alone.

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