Growing up in the borderline family leaves children not knowing what is normal.
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Mourning the breach in the relationship between parent and adult child in the borderline family

Absence On June 14, 2007 there is a wonderful article posted on the Borderline Crazy web site entitled "What if I'm wrong" in which the author expresses "guilt" and distress over not having seen her mother with Borderline Personality Disorder.

So basically I keep these boundaries but feel horribly guilty about them. I hate living this way. I wish, OH how I wish, that she were a regular person, a regular mother. I could call her and we could hash this out and each acknowledge our parts in it and then resume our relationship. But she isn’t. My heart aches for her with a soul-sucking vehemence, but I have no words or actions to repair the damage in her or even to get her to see it. Miracles do happen, but without one she will never hear me, and she will never see me, even if she is looking at me and listening to me. So I stay silent.

One client told me that he had nightmares that his mother died and he never got to talk to her again. Often time the children of borderline mothers experience a breach in the relationship and years can go by with no contact leading to sense of guilt, shame, fear, and most of all grief. There is a mourning and grieving process which involves many of the stages which Dr. Elizabeth Kubler Ross described of anger and denial, bargaining and guilt, sadness and despair, and then hope. How do you grieve for someone still alive but with whom no relationship is possible without abuse and pain?

Link: What if I’m wrong? « Borderline Crazy.

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